Mel Carter is alive and well, going to be eighty years young in April.
More on Mel momentarily.
Donald Trump, just back from his historically successful trip to Vietnam and unprecedentedly productive summit meeting with North Korea's Kim Jong Un, wandered into a Maryland hotel ballroom Saturday and ad-libbed over two hours of wit, whimsy, wisdom and the kind of inspiration America should be getting on its knees to be thankful for each and every minute of each and every day.
Here's the greatest hits:
He walked on stage and hugged the American flag as a two year old might hug his mommy in the grocery store when a stranger said hello.
He enlightened the highly sophisticated crowd to the merits of the presidency of William McKinley.
He praised big donor Richard LeFrak for calling him "Mr. President" when it's "okay to call me Donald".
He called TiVo one of the great inventions of history.
He continued referring to the Democratic candidate who was defeated over two years ago as "Crooked Hillary."
He sprinkled the words of warning "socialist" and/or "socialism" more liberally than a two year old would pour jimmies on the soft serve ice cream.
He dismissed any plan to reduce America's fossil fuel consumption, reminding the congregation that without air travel, there would be no way to reach Europe...or Hawaii.
He shared that one day he was lonely in the White House....so he had Air Force One revved up and took off to Iraq.
He "formally announced" that "some time, probably next week" 100 percent of the threat of any Islamic caliphate will be eliminated.
He criticized, ridiculed and/or mocked several past high ranking government officials. His former defense secretary, James Mattis. His former Attorney General Jeff Sessions, complete with a hilarious Trump impression of a Southern accent.
He described people who travel from Mexico to the U.S. as "murderers, killers, drug dealers and human traffickers" and cited, as empirical evidence, statistics provided by the Federation for American Immigration Reform, a bunch of very fine people who have been officially designated as a hate group.
He assured the frenzied following that the forthcoming confiscation of guns will not be allowed. "I'll protect you....I promise".
He asked the tearfully sympathetic fan club for sympathy for the dilemma he faces, having to praise Kim Jong Un as a friend without alienating people outraged by the torture death of American student Otto Warmbier...saying....
"I'm in such a horrible position..."
At two plus hours, it was the longest speech he has given since he took, just for shits and grins, the oath of office two years ago.
Compassionate, ever committed to their Christianity, Conservative "Christians" rate the speech just north of "ask not, what your country can do for you"....and just south of "Four score and seven years ago.."
People who actually live, and respect, a genuine Christian lifestyle, said an extra special prayer of thanks that they didn't have to be there to endure the experience.
Credit where due, Americans, everywhere, benefit from the gift of an expanded vocabulary whenever he opens his mouth.....in this instance, the new and exciting word is......palpable.
For example...
his narcissism is....
his sociopathy is...(bonus there for people who never heard the word 'sociopathy' before)
his inability to inspire anyone beyond extremists and/or illiterates is...
his increasing fear of being indicted is...
his gnawing fear of being impeached and/or incarcerated is...
his panic at being found guilty of multiple felonious activities is...(again...bonus...'felonious')
his pettiness, childishness, crystal clear textbook case of arrested development are...
Palpable....the word of the day,
As in....
...the frustration, indignation, embarrassment, resentment, even anger that this empty, sad, pitiful shell of a man gets his mail at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue....is......palpable.
Mel Carter will be 80 in April.
What a tribute it would be for his milestone birthday if we were to let him know that his great 1965 pop hit classic has been chosen to replace "Hail To The Chief" as the official song of the current occupant of the presidency of the United States.
"Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me."
The irony...the satire.....the silliness.....the sadness......
...why, they're practically.......
Oh, by the way, Mel, extra special congratulations are in order on your song being selected.
It was neck and neck and very hard to decide between you and the other guy we considered.
Bobby Vinton.
Having to choose one or the other.....put us in such a horrible position.
The stress...
...was palpable.
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