Today's commentary is a respite from the viciousness and vitriol that makes up pretty much any and all discussion about politics these days.
Sometimes, it's worth having a chat about aerodynamics.
As always, in this era of shooting, or more applicably, tweeting and/or posting first and asking questions later, a fun facts to know and tell primer is both enlightening and essential.
First, a simple definition.
Aerodynamics. The study of the properties of moving air and the interaction between the air and solid bodies moving through it.
One witty dictionary offered up this sardonic slant as an example.
"When forward thrust is lost, the plane has the aerodynamics of a brick."
Suddenly, the metaphors potentially leading us down a tempting path of punchlines practically beg to be introduced into evidence, forward thrust as, for example, progressive legislation and the plane now mutated into brick as the current ship of state as piloted by pirates, brigands and assorted family members of pirates and brigands who come along on trips to England for no other apparent reason than a trip to England on the taxpayers dime.
But we're taking a little respite from the viciousness and vitriol that makes up pretty much any and all discussion about politics these days.
So, let's talk aerodynamics.
More to the point, again, for those who are already starting to experience the shakes that come with any imparting of information that doesn't come in the form of an adorable emoji and/or an OMG to an LOL, up to, but not necessarily exceeding an LMAFO, lest you be admonished to STFU, let's make this as simple as possible.
And talk about how things fly.
Again, keeping it simple lest we lose those who can't seem to figure out the complexities of traffic circles or four way stops, but can recite entire story arcs of Game of Thrones, let's focus in on how just two things fly.
Actually, keeping it very simple, because the whole flying thing works the same way for both.
Birds.
And planes.
Explanation, courtesy of a charming website where all kinds of interesting information regarding biology can be found, cleverly, and usefully, named "ask a biologist"
The principles offered up there, of course, apply to planes, as well.
After all, planes are really nothing more than really big birds with overpriced beverage service, very little in the way of legroom and headphones that probably carry every bacteria known to man.
There is, though, one other little factoid that plays a big part in the principle of flight.
Be it bird or really big bird with very little legroom.
We'll come in for a landing on that one in just a few minutes.
The stars at night may be big and bright...but bright isn't something often associated with the Lone Star state these days.
And the infamous billboard certainly wasn't going to sway any jury who might be charged with the task of ruling guilty or not guilty of the charge of "seriously, what the fuck is wrong with you people?"
For those almost always in the know, but, still, paradoxically, out of the loop, here's the gist.
A billboard in the Texas panhandle went viral, over ten thousand photo shares on Facebook. It was large white letters on a simple green background.
And it read as follows....
"Liberals...please continue on I-40 until you have left our (their caps, not mine) GREAT STATE OF TEXAS."
Okay.
Few things worth noting and deserving of mention.
First, the outdoor advertising company that owns the billboard spoke with the advertiser and it has been agreed that the billboard should come down.
Second, more than a few local residents, interviewed about the incident, offered that they were in full support of the message and the messenger.
Third, within just a day or two, a GoFundMe page appeared soliciting funds for a billboard with a more hospitable greeting and very quickly reached its goal.
That sign reads.."Texas is for everyone...not bigotry...Welcome, ya'll."
And, lastly, but certainly not leastly, , for those who own a custom made copy of the Constitution complete with hair trigger always ready to accommodate their itchy finger, stand down, there, little buckaroo and/or buckaree.
The free speech bicker and bitch meeting is three blogs down on the right, just past the men's room.
Oh...and there is one more thing.
The direction I'm heading in here doesn't really have anything to do, per se', with the actual billboard or the positions taken on it.
I'm still thinking aerodynamics.
With a dash and/or dollop of demagogue thrown in to make things zazzy.
A local fill-in talk radio host, in this neck of the woods, posted the picture of the Texas billboard and added his own sassy splash of erudition, enlightenment and education.
"...got to love Texas...I hope this message spreads."
It's worth mentioning that this same on-air "personality" is of the school that finds back slapping hilarity in a Rodney Dangerfield cut and paste meme floating around that reads "Nancy Pelosi is so ugly...that her proctologist accidentally stuck his finger in her mouth."
Wow. Let's hope that you can't overdose on classy because this poor profound patriot is flirting with showing up D.O.A at any minute.
In fairness, I don't know the guy personally, so I have no way of knowing whether he's got a Doctorate in dimwit, having minored in moron, or he's just diddling around with "Trump-The Home Game" and Donald-ing the dickens out of the crowd by playing to them.
Having a little back story in the business of audience affectation my own self, I'm going to cut slack and assume it's mostly about pandering as opposed to pea-braining.
The affirmation of said audience on clear display with the very first comment from an audience member in the thread attached to the billboard picture post.
"...it's time for people to make a stand and not back down from these liberal dick heads..."
Hmm. "Liberal dick heads"......
Well, it's no "Crooked Hillary" or "Crazy Joe" or "Pocahontas", but you keep swingin' for the fences, there, little Rhodes Scholar basement dweller, dream big.
I said, at the outset, that today was going to be about aerodynamics and not politics.
Yeah, well, turns out that didn't fly.
Buh to the dum-bump.
But, in the spirit of getting back, getting back to where we once belonged, let me do a little course correction and resume our flight plan.
First up, just a quick, no-frills, no padding, no editorializing list of accomplishments in America generally credited to those of the liberal dick head persuasion.
See if any of them ring your "oh, yeah, well, there's that" bell. Especially if you laughed and said "goddamn right" when you first heard the phrase "liberal dick head" a minute ago.
The G.I. Bill....how many college degrees in your family came about as a result?
The space program...one small step for man, one giant leap for Uncle Sam.
Earned Income Tax Credit....big words....try these on: more money for you.
Family and Medical Leave Act....this would be why you can actually have a family and keep a job at the same time.
Consumer Product Safety Commission....yeah, yeah, Federal agency, bureaucrats, blah, blah....let's go simple again and say your kids just might have all their fingers because of those bureaucrats.
Americans with Disabilities Act.....done any good handicapped parking lately?
Unemployment insurance...essentially, getting paid for not doing a thing.....like being in government without the free health coverage.
Freedom of Information Act....if you need to know, you can actually find out.
Allowing you to see your own credit records. If you need to know, you can actually find out.
The Voting Rights Act....prohibiting racial discrimination when it comes to casting a ballot....currently being reevaluated by arrogant privileged whites singing "what a friend we have / in Donald", but still....
Women's Right To Vote....affording women the same opportunity men have to take the blame for this mess.
The National Weather Service...yeah, yeah, yada, yada, you say, you've got the new IPhone for that....and where do you think IPhone gets the information, there, brainiac?
Rural Electrification.....was a time them hill folk had to watch their Fox News shows in the dark.
Bank Deposit Insurance.....little protection policy spelled FDIC.
And...big finish....
Medicare/Medicaid.
Social Security.
But, wait! There's more!
Actually, there's plenty more but more and plenty of it isn't the point.
The point, ladies and gentlemen, or in its new, hip contemporary form, "you guys", is this.
Liberal dick heads. Henceforth referred to "left wing."
Along with their theological, philosophical, political counterparts, the "right wing".
And a very simple, and irrefutable, law of physics.
Found at a website, very cleverly, and usefully, named "how things fly".
"A plane needs balance to be stable. When it has two wings, it has lift on both sides and it is pushed straight up into the air. If you remove one wing, though, the plane is suddenly out of balance. It would have a huge weight in the middle and lift only on one side. causing the plane to lift unevenly....and, inevitably, unavoidably....stall..."
Uh oh.
There are a lot of reasons why the billboard in Texas and the hundreds, even thousands, of similar expressions found in 2019 America are, at best, poor sportsmanship and, at worst, incendiary provocations at a time in American history when flames need to be doused not fanned.
But, again, for the more ADD afflicted, here's a simpler it, as in what it is.
It's just stupid.
A plane, a bird...a nation....with only one wing has nowhere to go...but down.
Whether it's a blowhard billboard deep in the heart or the pandering pyromania of a talk radio show, the risk of stall, crash and burn is the same.
And while politics is the front and center noisemaker in the whole air show of avarice and antagonism and arrogance, the undeniable fact of the matter is that it's ultimately not about politics at all.
It's simply about an immovable law of physics.
Aerodynamics.
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