...The Bully Pulpit....

Her name is Anaiah.

She is seven years old.

Last week, she very excitedly attended her very first day of school.

The next day, she returned to school.

After returning home from school that day, her mother heard her crying in her room and found a video that Anaiah had recorded on her tablet.

This is that video.



"Why do I have to be bullied?" Anaiah asks.

Seems like a perfectly fair question.

And people reading that question are going to give you a lot of love and support and encouragement, Anaiah.

Good people. Fair people. Kind people. Compassionate people. Decent people.

I have a six year old granddaughter. And five other grandchildren. And I, too, am moved to send you love and support and encouragement.

But, I'm going to do something I suspect a lot of people aren't going to do.

I'm going to answer your question.

Why do I have to be bullied?

Because, Anaiah, you live in a bullying society.

Now, I know, that at the age of seven, that term "bullying society" is probably a little over your head in terms of being able to understand. It's a grown up kind of term.

But I have a feeling that any seven year old young lady who is savvy enough to use today's technology to record her feelings is savvy enough to understand the rest of the answer to your question I'm going to offer.

The dictionary defines the word "society" as a "collection of people living together in a more or less organized community."

I promise I didn't add the words "more or less" there. It honestly says that.

When I use the word society, Anaiah, I'm using it meaning the whole country, all of America, one of the biggest collections in the world of people living together.

You already know what the word "bullying" means.

Here's something I bet you probably didn't know, though.

There have always been bullies.

Really, really, really far back into history. Maybe not all the way back to the Garden Of Eden because, as I'm sure you know, there were only two people there.

Adam and Eve.

Well, three, if you count God, but although God can be a pretty strict father, He would never think to bully someone.

But, sooner or later, Adam and Eve had kids and they had kids and they had kids (that's what the Bible means when it talks about all that "Lamech begat Noah and Noah begat Shem and Ham and Japeth" kind of stuff).

And those kids grew up to be grown ups who had kids who grew up to become grown ups who had kids and so on and so forth for thousands of years and, next thing you know, we had a whole world full of people.

Good people. Fair people. Kind people. Compassionate people. Decent people.

And some not so decent people.

Bullies.

And while it doesn't take away the hurt and anger and confusion that you're feeling because you're being bullied, it might be worth something for you to know that many of us, grown ups, had, or even still have, bullies in our lives.

I had one I remember very vividly when I was just a couple years older than you are now.

And that was a long, long, pretty long time ago.

Before smart phones and Mp3 players and tablets where we could record our feelings.

My bully's name was Jay.

And, just like you, I couldn't understand why I had to be bullied, either.

I wasn't mean to Jay. I didn't treat him badly or steal his lunch money or call him nasty names when I saw him.

I didn't even know him.

It took me a long, long time to finally figure out why he bullied me a long time ago.

Years later, when I had grown up and had kids and grandkids and had finished school and learned a lot of things about people and what they do and why they do what they do.

And there are a lot of pretty complicated things that go on in the human brain. Hundreds, even thousands of things that make us do the things we do.

And there's not just one reason why people bully other people.

But there is one thing that people who bully other people have in common.

They simply don't like themselves very much.

Maybe they think they're ugly. Maybe they think they're not all that smart. Maybe they think that the world is a terrible place. Maybe they just feel lonely and sad and empty all of time and they can't figure out why.

Maybe that feeling or all the other feelings make them feel scared.

That's a very complicated, terrible feeling for someone to have. Even for a grown up.

So, just imagine what it must be like to not like yourself when you're just a kid and haven't yet lived a long time and finished school and learned a lot of things about people and what they do and why they do what they do.

And people who are lonely and sad and empty and scared?

Well, they end up doing something, one way or the other, to deal with that loneliness and sadness and emptiness and being scared.

Scared grown ups drink too much. Or eat too much. Or smoke too much. Or treat other people badly because somewhere deep in their brain, they have the wrong idea that treating other people badly will make them feel more powerful and, that way, they'll feel better about themselves.

Scared kids can't drink or smoke or, if Mom and Dad are paying attention, eat too much.

So some scared kids treat other people badly.

The word for that treating other people badly is "bullying."

And since a long, long, long time ago, there have always been scared people who felt like the only thing that would make them feel better was to treat other people badly.

So, there have always been bullies.

Today, though, there's something different happening.

Something that has turned a society that has some bullies in it....into a bullying society.

Right now, there are some grown ups reading this who are thinking "this little girl is only 7, she doesn't know what you're talking about."

I think you do know, Anaiah.

And I think you'll understand very clearly when I explain that the difference between what used to be and today is that what used to be is that bullies were made to feel like they should be ashamed of the way they acted.

And that being a bully wasn't anything, ever, to be proud of.

And that people who wanted to make positive contribution to their families and their neighborhoods and their whole entire country should not only not be bullies, but they should do everything they can to let bullies know that being a bully wasn't, and isn't, anything, ever, to be proud of.

Couple of other very big differences between what used to be and today, too, Anaiah.

Today, we have what we all know as social media.

Facebook. And Instagram. And Snapchat.

And while those things are cool in so many ways, they also make the problem of bullies even worse because so many of those lonely and sad and empty and scared people who have to treat other people badly to make themselves feel better now have a way to do it without having to do it face to face.

They can just be mean and nasty and vicious and rude and hurtful. And hit the send button.

Hiding in some bedroom or basement, safe from having to be held responsible for what they say to people. Or what they say about people.

And the other big difference between what used to be and today?

Used to be that bullies were never given any reason to feel like they were entitled to behave that way.

Never given what they believe to be a really good excuse to be rude and vicious and hurtful.

Our parents and our teachers and our ministers and our neighbors, well, they all let it be known that bullying was absolutely unacceptable behavior.

Our leaders, too.

Being rude and vicious and hurtful and bullying people was absolutely unacceptable behavior.

Used to be.

Oh. I forgot one other social media.

Twitter.

And, so, now, instead of a society that has bullies in it. America has become a bullying society.

Facebook and Instagram and Twitter.

And leaders who apparently don't think that bullying is absolutely unacceptable behavior.

None of that is your fault, Anaiah.

And none of what I've shared with you is, for now, going to make you hurt any less or stop asking, fairly and rightfully, why you have to be bullied.

What I can offer you is that Jay finally stopped bullying me.

I don't remember why. And I don't know whatever became of him.

But I went on to finish school and begin a career and start a family, made a lot of good friends, have accomplished a lot of things and continue each day to experience and enjoy and appreciate.

And, yes, I still feel scared sometimes.

But I also feel grateful that I'm never so lonely or sad or empty or scared that I feel like the only thing I can do to make myself feel better is to treat others badly, make others feel badly.

By bullying them.

There's not a lot you can do, right now, for a while, yet, Anaiah, to make people stop treating you badly.

If you were my granddaughter, I would tell you to remember how smart and talented and savvy and special you are and to do your best to draw on the courage inside your heart to stand up to the bullies in your life......

....maybe by remembering, every time they tease you or taunt you that they're not some kind of powerful evil over which you have no control.

They're just scared.

Probably of you.

Because you're smart and talented and savvy and special.

Turns out, Anaiah, that growing up is as much about dealing with things that cant be changed as it is changing things.

But change is always possible.

Be one more member of society that isn't a bully.

In that way, you can make a difference and, then, you can possibly help make a change.

As far as the leader thing is concerned?

Changing that is up to your Mom and Dad.