Old joke.
Hey! What do you do for a living?
I'm an actor.
Really? Cool. What restaurant?
One nice bonus accessory that comes with that particular ba-dum-bump model is the "plug-in" feature.
The punchline nicely fits a number of other occupations including, but not limited to, author, painter, sculptor, singer and two other pursuits I've personally pursued through the years....songwriter....and broadcaster.
Because, as those of us who have worked in any, or all, of those fields can attest, if you have ever worked in any, or all of those, fields, you have almost certainly spent time repeatedly announcing the daily specials, calmly explaining why you cannot provide a refund unless a receipt is involved or, perhaps, at the less sophisticated end of the employment chain, inquired multiple times as to whether an individual "wants fries with that?" or not.
Either face to face or via headset technology, depending on your particular age and the decade in which you were compensated to inquire.
All of this nine to five-ish backstory, such as it is, is by way of presenting credentials that attest to my being more than just a little knowledgeable on the subject of employment.
Simply put, to borrow from our friend, the TV pitchman for Farmer's Insurance, I know a thing or two...because I've worked a place or two.
If that pitchman seems particularly familiar to you, by the way, but you haven't been able to place him, he is the actor J.K. Simmons, whose resume includes an Oscar for the movie Whiplash, a stint in a couple of Spider Man movies as J. Jonah Jameson and more than just a few years as Dr. Skoda, the go-to expert shrink that Jack McCoy called upon when a go-to expert shrink was needed to go-to for twenty or so fun filled seasons of Law and Order.
That Simmons' main claim to recognition is playing a psychiatrist dealing with the seriously psychologically damaged turns out to be not just a little comedically ironic in today's piece, by the way. That doesn't make sense to you now. But, trust me, it will.
Owing to tens of years, now, of various and sundry employment adventures, I have, as you might imagine, a sizable stack of stories I could tell about the various work places, work duties, work peers and, of course, work bosses I have experienced and/or witnessed. And, thinking about it, I realize, looking back, that I have also acquired a stack of sensibilities about what makes for a healthy, pleasant, productive work atmosphere and workplace.
And, inevitably, the many, sharp, sorry, sometimes even savage conditions that define the difference between dream job....and nightmare.
Saving the "wow, I can't believe you actually got to do that" stories for what suddenly occurs to me will make a fine, hopefully, best selling book one of these days, indulge me, if you would, as I share the story of one particular operation, and one particular boss, that falls without fail into the folder labeled "horror stories".
The first real tragedy of the tale is that the work place itself was, actually, right up there at the top of the dream job list. Calling it landmark might be a little overly dramatic, but, it was certainly the kind of place that people generally recognize as notable, famous, even, fair to say, once in a life time. With an amazing record of accomplishment and contribution to the American success story, this place had rich history coming out of the woodwork in pretty much every office, hallway and meeting room.
Organizationally? Well, what workplace, filled with the brightest minds, most creative spirits and the egos of movers and shakers isn't inclined to worry less about messy desks and more about getting the important work done? Inspiration, innovation took precedence over neat and tidy, but, just like other groundbreaking operations, say, Microsoft...or Apple.....or even those crazy kids over at Nintendo, this place could honestly be described, charitably, as organized chaos. But that chaos was as much a part of the history of that workplace as the artwork in the lobby and portraits of past head honchos on the wall.
And the underlying theme of the whole operation? Well, from day one it had always been, serve people, effect change, make things better. It was that spirit, and the potential to achieve great things for the community, the country, even the world that made the idea of being a part of it so attractive to the thousands who had the chance....and the thousands who hoped to be given the chance.
Second old joke.
It ain't the school. It's the principal of the thing.
If that whole strong chain/weakest link riff is legit, then, and who amongst us working types can't relate to this, there's no doubt that the success of any operation and, accordingly, the atmosphere in that workplace, begins and ends, lives, or dies, with the he or she running it.
The "hall of fame" of successful entrepreneurs is distinguished and diverse, but there is a basic, even primal, common thread woven in the fabric of their operations and the success realized.
Richard Branson, head of Virgin Records, Virgin Airlines, Virgin Galactic..."if you take care of your workers, they'll take care of your business..."
J Wilfred Marriott, of the hotel chain..."take good care of your employees and they'll take good care of your customers...and the customers will come back..."
Angela Ahrendts , senior VP of Apple..."everyone talks about building a relationship with your customer. I think you build one with your employees first..."
Paul Orfalea, founder of Kinko's..."the people in the front lines are my customers. I need to keep them happy...and the best way to take care of your customers is to take care of your workers..."
Sensing a theme, here?
And that, right there, is where the aforementioned once in a lifetime opportunity went from "being the stuff dreams are made of" to a college level course in how to take a silk purse and turn it swiftly, sadly and even a little savagely, into a sow's ear.
You don't really have to be a Rhodes Scholar, or even a business major, to grasp the reality that workplace success is almost certainly not in the cards if the CEO is an S.O.B.
And I'm not talking about the kind of S.O.B we've all experienced at one time or another, in our personal lives and/or our professional lives, the "crusty on the outside, caring and can do on the inside" cranky uncle type. Sometimes creative genius and dynamic innovation come in a package wrapped in a little rougher than average paper, but it invariably doesn't take long to tell the difference between "way more bark than bite" and "authentically arrogant asshole".
A person's presentation, by its nature, being subjective, though, the reasonable thing for me to do here is simply describe a little of this boss's standard operating procedure and, then, let you decide if you feel like working for him would be your first choice.
Paul "Bear" Bryant was the legendary football coach at the University of Alabama in the 1960's and 70's. He offered this insight....
"...when you make a mistake, there are only three things you should ever do about it....admit it, learn from it...and don't repeat it."
Show of hands. How many of you have ever worked for, or, regrettably, are still working for, a boss who is, simply and bluntly, never, ever wrong about anything?
Yeah, no fun, huh?
And for those of you who have been lucky enough to have never had the experience, here's a simple, blunt truth. It makes the work day stressful from the moment you walk in the door. Because mistakes get made. We're only human. You know the speech and you know the drill and while no one is perfect, having the he or she in charge who makes it clear at all times that they're always right and never wrong is nothing less than a lit fuse burning down each work day to one detonation or another. This particular boss made never being wrong an art form.
Being an employer, of course, being a form of leadership, it's worth noting, again, that the most successful leaders understand the concept of inspiring and motivating their followers. This boss? Well, this boss had the very Charles Dickens era notion that the finest pearls can only come from friction, that playing one employee off another was some kind of business strategy savvy, that conflict kept the staff both off balance and on their toes, an uncomfortable, if not impossible, position from which to accomplish anything.
Hostile work environment? In the year 2018, this is the stuff of human resources intervening and employees being seriously heard and employers having feet firmly held to fire. In this particular operation, it was considered tough, decisive, innovative business management. At least, that's how the employer poisoning the well perceived it.
And since what's injury without a little insult added to it, let's not leave out the other colors on this arrogant asshole's palate.
A brutal, contemptible, crystal clear sexism, complete with chauvinistic attitudes about the woman's place in the work place, inappropriate, if not outright unacceptable, inferences, references, even comments about women's body parts and bodily functions. And just to add a little icing to the sour dough, not a single sighting of simple courtesy. Nary a door held open, nary a seat pulled out.
Verbal abuse? Got ya covered. Disrespectful, hell, denigrating nicknames assigned, and freely verbalized, to those who fell out of favor on any given work day, hour or moment. Open mocking and ridiculing of employees with physical challenges.
Politics? Bad enough to risk the frayed nerves and passionate tempers that result from bringing it into the work place, in the first place, but how about a boss, a leader, supposedly put there to create a camaraderie amongst people, who sees nothing wrong in neo-Nazis being given, at least, a certain respect. Who lets it be known. loud and clear, that he, like too, too many others, wholeheartedly buys into the ignorant lynch mob mentality that our courts and our intelligence agencies and our Federal law enforcement agencies and many other of America's most sacred and traditionally respected foundational institutions are to be ridiculed, disrespected, even disregarded.
And that the "free press" is not be be debated or challenged or questioned....they are, instead, to be branded as the "enemy of the people" and if violence occurs because of that kind of agitation, then, that's the way it goes.
Does it come as any surprise that, given the toxic atmosphere permeating every office, hallway and meeting room, the turnover, the heading out the door made the unlocking of the store on Black Friday look like a couple of friends casually strolling in to do a little shopping?
Add to that decision making at the "executive" level that not only put the employees in a permanent state of Def Con Contempt but put the operation itself at risk of complete and catastrophic failure, with operational policies that could cost consumers tens of thousands of dollars, subject them to dangerous consequences and do immeasurable damage to the community, the nation, even the world.
At this point, a fair question occurs.
Would you consider, for even a moment, wanting to be part of something like that?
And I'll go you one better.
Why, at this point, you have to be asking yourself, why, on God's green Earth, would anyone in their right mind not be moved to demand this boss be sent packing, let alone endorse this kind of behavior in the work place, let alone congratulate he or she on the horrific destruction of a once near majestic American success story?
Gotta be honest.
Beats the shit out of me.
Because 63 million people decided to give this guy the job of CEO two years ago.
An unimaginable number of those people still endorse, even celebrate the job he's doing.
And they wonder why they're not getting ahead in their lives.
Or can't find work that doesn't leave them stressed out and exhausted.
Maybe they just don't know the difference between a dream job....and a nightmare.
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