Here's the only absolutely sure thing about any discussion of guns in this country.
At some point, discussion of guns simply becomes too exhausting to continue.
It's a lot like divorce.
If you're the one divorcing, then you know how the argument or arguments get to the point where it's an exercise in futility to continue. Every time you say up , they say down, every time they say white, you say black, every time either one of you says anything, the other one of you says the other thing and it goes back and forth and back and forth and back and forth....until you simply just don't fucking care anymore.
And if you're the one growing up in the midst of a divorce, you simply, and much more quickly, get to the point where you simply want mommy and daddy to shut the fuck up and stop fighting.
The key difference, of course, is that when the dust settles on the bickering, there are no school kids lying dead on cold tile floors in hallways and classrooms. No blood slowly trickling under desks and lockers. No sounds of screams and sirens and weeping and moaning in a space where the only sounds obvious should be the ringing of bells signaling the end of class or a chorus of voices talking about homework or after school events or what's for lunch or teenage love affairs in a mixture of sound that almost reminds one of a symphony warming up before a concert. No particular melody obvious to the naked ear, a cacophony that seemingly makes no sense at all, yet, is interesting, even comforting.
In recent weeks, both in print, here on this podcast and on air as I've guest hosted on talk radio, I've quoted, a number of times and in a number of contexts, a line of dialogue cleverly delivered by the late John Mahoney, who played Martin Crane, the down to earth dad of Niles and Frasier Crane in the popular sitcom "Frasier". At some point or another, in one of Frasier's trademark erudite, verbose rants about this social injustice or that etiquette faux pas, Marty Crane, with the wisdom of the ages, lovingly, but almost wearily offers to his son, "life isn't complicated, Frasier...you just make it that way."
For all of the emotional, psychological, physiological, rhetorical, political, sociological, philosophical, even spiritual shades of gray that find their way into the swirl of 2nd Amendment soup, Marty Crane's observation seems both trenchant and on target. So to speak.
The issue of guns in this country isn't complicated. Americans just make it that way.
Because the issue of guns in this country is the mother of all things guaranteed to send mommy and daddy into full blown bitch and bicker, fuck me, no, fuck you, Katy, bar the door back and forth and back and forth and back and forth and back...and forth....until exhaustion arrives, almost like a rescuer. Ending the circular madness of the confrontation.
But ending only the madness of the confrontation. Not the madness itself.
The first dictionary I consulted offered up three definitions of the word madness.
A state of frenzied or chaotic activity.
Extremely foolish behavior.
The state of being mentally ill, especially severely.
And as regards the madness America sloppily, even embarrassingly tries to disguise as "debate" about the right to bear arms?
Check, check and check on those three definitions.
Frenzied or chaotic activity?
Log on to any social media site. Turn on any news station. Tune in, call in, join in the galactic sized gathering of Rhodes Scholars, legal and constitutional experts and love it or leave it patriotic defenders of the red, white and blue that make up talk radio these days.
We got yer frenzied or chaotic activity.
Extremely foolish behavior?
Uh, yeah. Again, log on, turn on, tune in.
"I can have any goddamn gun I want, as many goddamn guns as I want, any and every goddamn time I want because the goddamn 2nd Amendment says so........"
"...alrighty, then. Let's go to our next caller."
And then, there's that little matter of the state of being mentally ill, especially severely.
17 dead kids lying on the cold tile floors of hallways and classrooms in Parkland, Florida. Shot to death by a teenager who got the key to daddy's obviously useless gun safe and pulled out the trusty AR-15 to take out his misery and frustration on 17 dead kids lying on the cold tile.....
...well, you get the idea.
Stop me if you've heard this one before.
It's not a gun issue. It's a mental health issue.
You know what?
Goddamn right it's a mental health issue.
How crazy do you have to be to think that your "right" to have access to or own whatever weapon you want, as many as you want, whenever you want is more important, EVER, for a single goddamn second that the "right" of a kid to go to school and not end up lying dead on the cold tile floor of a hallway or classroom?
Goddamn right it's a mental health issue.
How crazy do you have to be to not only say, but actually believe, mindlessly moronic things like "well, some guy in China knifed 33 people to death so let's ban knives, too. In fact, I could stab you with a salad fork, so let's ban salad forks too." Love of God, man, do you actually hear yourself when you say staggeringly stupid shit like that?
And if one more person even begins the sentence that starts with "drunk drivers" and ends with "let's ban cars", swear to God, I'm coming after you and your family with a salad fork.
Help me to help you. What is it you don't get about how one has nothing to do with the other? That saying staggeringly stupid shit like "well, if they didn't have a gun, they'd just use a knife" is exactly the same thing as saying "well, if he didn't beat his wife with a baseball bat, he's just beat his wife with his fists" instead of saying "for the ever loving love of Christ, we have got to do whatever it takes....whatever it takes......to keep this guy from beating his wife."
How crazy do you have to be not to see that?
Goddamn right it's a mental health issue.
How crazy do you have to be to be saying anything...anything....other than "what can I do, how I can I help, what's reasonable and practical and, simply, do-able to, at the very least, lessen the chances that even one more kid will end up dead on the cold tile floor of a hallway or classroom, blood slowly trickling under desks and lockers...the sounds of screams and sirens and weeping and moaning in a space where the only sounds obvious should be the ringing of bells signaling the end of class or a chorus of voices talking about homework or after school events or what's for lunch or teenage love affairs...?"
All kinds of mental illness in life, you know.
Here's a top ten list compiled by mental health professionals.
1) Major Depressive Disorder (include dysthymia, seasonal affective disorders)
2) Generalized Anxiety/Panic disorder (include other anxiety disorders such as social anxiety)
3) Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder
4) Bipolar disorder (include cyclothymia and bipolar I and II
5) Schizophrenia and Schizoaffective disorders
6) Dissociation and Multiple Personality disorders
7) Other personality disorders such as Borderline Personality
8) ADD/ADHD
9) Insomnia
10) Addiction
11) Eating Disorders (include Anorexia, Bulimia, and not otherwise specified)
12) Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
13) Dementia
14) Autism
Let's take a quick look at those through the red, white and blue colored glasses of those laser focused loyal to the 2nd Amendment patriots.
Major depressive disorder....what? I can't have as many of whatever whenever I want? bummer, man...and, oh, yeah, no fucking way, snowflake.
Generalized anxiety...I gotta have guns...I gotta have more guns....I gotta have all guns....they're gonna take my guns....they're gonna keep me from having guns, more guns, all guns.....this is so nerve wracking....and, oh, yeah, no fucking way, snowflake.
Obsessive-compulsive disorder...gotta have, gotta have more, gotta have all....
Bi polar disorder....guns make me feel ten feet tall, twelve inches long and eight miles high....the thought of no guns makes me feel like life isn't worth living...
Schizophrenia...I keep hearing voices....telling me they're coming to take my guns....oh...wait....I was watching Will and Grace....who put on Fox News?
Multiple personality disorders...having all these guns makes me feel like Jesse James and Lucas McCain and Patton and Leroy Jethro Gibbs and ...and.....
ADD/ADHD...so, you're saying that we can still own guns and, at the same time, make it less likely that kids will be shot to de....wait.....is that Hannity?.....make it less likely that kids will be....wait?....is that an ATF truck pulling up outside?
Insomnia....they're going to take my guns, can't sleep, they're going to take my guns, can't sleep...
PTSD...I still get all clammy and shaky when I think how my dad gave me that BB gun but made me give up the AR-15....
Dementia....I'm crazy about guns.....guns are my friend.....guns will protect me and my family, uh, yeah, that, too, sure....but it's just good to have them....they make me feel manly....and safe....and....wait...what is that? is that firecrackers?........wait.....is there a fire....where are those sirens going......where is that weeping sound coming from................why.........are things......so quiet all of a sudden.
Yeah.
It's not a gun issue.
It's a mental health issue.
Goddamn right it is.
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