An infamous and controversial train of thought is heading out of the station and gaining steam once again.
Twelve states, at this writing, are now on board, to risk nudging the metaphor into banality, with eliminating the Electoral College.
The primary goal of those who favor shutting it down is modifying the national election process to mirror the process that has been used since day one in all local and state elections.
One voter. One vote.
He or she with the most votes wins.
Sounds simple enough.
Then again, how many of us have been seduced only to find ourselves suckered by another of life's "simple enough"s?
Some assembly required.
Not to mention "may cause drowsiness."
And, more recently, of course, that four word favorite that's been a hair in our soup since the day it first appeared in print and/or embroidery.
Make America Great Again.
The calls for change and the immediate, swift and caustic catcalls of "leggo our Electoral" have evolved, in recent years, from periodical scholarly analysis and suggestion to pretty much an every four year tradition, think Groundhog Day and only do it on the second Tuesday of November twenty five times per century.
There are two reasons for the increase in demands for the winds of change to blow.
Yes, it can be argued that one of those reasons is Donald Trump.
For most of us, that's the only reason we need.
But, take Donald, personally, out of the equation (if wishin' made it so), and the second reason carries a little more weight.
Since the first American presidential election 231 fun filled, cast your ballot years ago, the candidate receiving the most votes has been denied the thrill of victory and bitch-slapped by the agony of defeat five times. The first time in 1824 when Andrew Jackson saw John Quincy Adams yank the keys to the Oval Office away from him like that really mean old fart in those State Farm commercials. Jackson, of course, did go on to eventually become President which is something you probably want to avoid bringing up if you're ever invited to Trivial Pursuit night at Hillary and Bill's.
The "hey, congrats you won!/oh, hey, sorry, you lost!" scenario repeated itself in 1876 and 1888 when Samuel Tilden and Grover Cleveland, respectively, won, but lost. Tilden never did make a comeback, but, Grover, well, he was president at the time so he had that to ease the pain.
Again, Hillary and Bill's game night. Keep your presidential trivia to yourself if you don't want to end up in an episode of "N.C.I.S. as "the body in Rock Creek Park."
From then, it was a luxurious, and false sense of systemic security, one hundred and twelve years and the year 2000, when Queen could have made a killing by recording a hip and groovy update of their classic and we all sang along "We Are The Champions, Wait, What?"
And Al Gore was able, for years, to get a big laugh by introducing himself to his climate change lecture audiences by saying, "I'm Al Gore...and I used to be the next president of the United States of America.."
But here's that second of the two reasons you're now hearing "shut it down!" almost as much and as loud as you're hearing "build that wall".
Because although the Electoral College has only prevented he or she with the most votes the reward for getting the most votes five times in 231 years and 58 elections, it has happened twice, now, in just the last 16 years..and the last four elections.
Sheldon Cooper would have already done some quick calculations and extrapolated that at that rate of accelerated occurrence, within, say, the next ten years, max, you can pretty much rest assured that whoever wins will just automatically be the loser. Might even get to the point where the need for actually voting in the first place becomes pointless.
But, enough about Donald's dream scenario.
Here's the part of the piece where I do a little plot twist.
Both the pro arguments and con arguments on the issue of eliminating the Electoral College are well documented, well known and, well, just well worn.
And I'm neither interested, nor inclined, to re-open that way past its expiration date can of worms.
I'm a "hey, let's open up a whole new can of worms" kind of guy.
And that's what I'm inclined to do. Even if it means I lose the popular vote.
For those who have been on Neptune, or watching only Real Housewives, Love After Lock-up and/or Fox News for the past few years, let me offer up a quick, bullet point summary of the "why we, like, totally, like, need the, like, Electoral College" perspective.
Actually, I don't need to bore you, or me, with bullet points.
Let's just take the most commonly heard, loudest shot from the protester's pistol.
"Well, great, let's just abolish the Electoral College and let those libtard morons in California and New York choose the president from now on."
First, on behalf of we of the Most High Order Of Libtardus Moronicus, who take great offense at being typecast, labeled and/or categorized, here's a thing.
Lot of us don't live in California or New York, ya mooks.
That said, the whine the whiners whine does have a little splash of truth in it, slightly bitter aftertaste notwithstanding.
But, again, the notion that one state, or the other, will determine the outcome of the entire presidential election if the Electoral College is crated up and Smithsonianed, is not the notion I'm all revved up to note.
Try this on.
America...is a myth.
More accurately, America is an illusion. A mirage, hallucination, apparition.
A fantasy, figment, fabrication, creation, concoction.
I got a fully unabridged Thesaurus and I ain't afraid to use it, baby.
And before your panties wad up into an embolism causing bunch or you bring on a stroke by waving that flag so hard that your temples explode, understand what it is I am telling you.
Because what I am telling you has nothing to do with love of country. It has nothing to do with patriotism. It has nothing to do with allegiance, loyalty, faithfulness, fidelity, devotion, duty.
Again, Thesaurus. Grab yours. Let's have some fun.
Those who scream the loudest and doth protesteth too mucheth about the idea that the election process should be simplified to one voter, one vote are among those who probably have Love It or Leave It plastered on the bumper of whatever they drive and not only sing out loud and proud when The Star Spangled Banner is played, they know all the lyrics to the other three verses!
Well, hell, a hearty "then conquer we must/ when our cause it is just / and this be our motto / In God is our trust" to you and yours from me and mine.
But here's the deal.
If you're screaming about how California and New York are going to yank the wheel on the ship of state out of your God fearing, hard calloused working class hands while you sing about the vim, virtue and victory of the America as described "oh thus be it ever where free men shall stand / between their loved home and war's desolation / blest with victory and peace / may the heav'n rescued land / praise the power that hath made / and preserved us a nation", you, sir and/or madam, are engaged in one of the more miraculous of man's physical phenomenon's....the rare, yet somehow more and more common, ability to sing out of both side of your mouth.
Because what, exactly, is this nation you profess to be proud to preserve?
You know. America.
Land of the free, home of the brave.
From sea to shining sea.
Give or take California. And New York.
Let's not forget Massachusetts while we're at it.
Hear tell they're running one sum bitchin snake pit of libtards up there.
Oh...and New Mexico. Admittedly not a lot of Hollywood elitists there, but, hey, how can you be expected to trust any state named after, well, you know......the wall.......reneged on their promise to pay?.....oh....wait.
So, let's tidy up where tidying up seems to be called for.
And let's hear those voices raised in song once again.
God Bless America.....except for California...and New York....well, Massachusetts....and New Mexico, yeah, New Mexico..../ my home sweet home.
Does this all sound silly to you?
Yeah.
No sillier, though, than the notion that, at the end of the day, let alone the dawning of another presidential election, there really is any such thing as...America.
What there is, more accurately, what there are, are fifty areas of bordered territory, each one called home by the particular group of people who live within those borders, who, in great numbers, are convinced that people in those "other" bordered areas are out to deny them their life, liberty and pursuit of happiness.
And while we're modernizing the whole concept of one nation, at all, let alone under God, let's redefine those particular groups of people living within those borders as what they really are, no offense intended.
Tribes.
And the tribe in Alabama is convinced that the tribe in California is up to no good. And the tribe in New York thinks the tribe in Texas hasn't got ten brain cells between 'em.
There is a place within what is known, at least both historically and for the time being, as the continental United States where you can, literally, stand with some part of your feet in four different states at the same time.
Cleverly named Four Corners. And when you are in Four Corners, you can stand simultaneously in Colorado, Utah, Arizona and, how's this for ironic whimsy, New Mexico.
So, theoretically, you and three other people could shake hands, better yet, form a little handholding circle and each one of you would be in a different state.
Home of a different tribe.
And there's a pretty good chance that each of you, each a state apart from each other, would, in the course of small talk find that you are all, each of you, hopeful that your kids can get a good education, that your neighborhood streets can be made as safe as possible, that you and your families can make a decent living, enjoy clean air and water, worship on Sundays as, and where, you choose, that those kids you mentioned earlier can get that good education without being distracted by the possibility that they might be shot to death before the dismissal bell rings, that our veterans are afforded the respect and dignity they've earned...that hate and the groups that celebrate hatred are shunned, punished, even dissolved....that those the four of you put your faith in by giving them your vote will bring dignity, integrity, honesty, compassion, kindness, firmness, absolute best effort to be worthy of the trust which you have bestowed upon them and, if not, held accountable, swiftly, surely and justly for their failure to honor their commitment to you and yours.
Four people. Four states.
A thousand things in common.
E Pluribus Unum.
Out of many, one.
Sounds simple enough.
Makes you think of another "simple enough"
One voter. One vote.
One America.
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